There have been days when I definitely haven’t wanted to train . There are days where doing anything feels challenging. I’m an open book when it comes to emotions and experiences, because it’s important to talk and as I know there are many women like myself who suffer/ have suffered from anxiety / depression / post natal depression and other mental health issues. In this world of achieving perfection, talking about falling apart isn’t pretty or perfect. If it wasn’t for fitbump I think I would find it much more difficult to function in a work place when I am not well, the anxiety I feel is just as much physical as emotional; I appreciate that I am fortunate to have so many amazing women around me , that I can be myself and that for them I can still muster my best smile and be who they need me to be and that if I need time out I can take it.
I feel it’s really important that the stigma around mental health changes, that there is more information available ; for instance on both pre and post natal depression; which can strike up to 4 years (sometimes more if it goes unchecked) post birth and it doesn’t always manifest in the way that’s typically expected. We should all feel that we can talk openly about our experiences, get the support we need and that we won’t be viewed differently or seen to be weak. What ever you’re going through, you’re not alone.
I wrote the first part of this post earlier this year, not that long before I had what I could only describe as a complete mental break down – I hit rock bottom and knew I had to do something . The warning signs had been there, but for the longest time I’ve not been 100% comfortable with truly accepting that I have this ‘illness’ – but it is life threatening – feeling depressed and anxious affects everything – it threatens your ability to live the life you deserve – coming out the other side, I’ve accepted that the depression and anxiety is a part of me, that’s it ok, that I don’t need to fight it – I need to work with it. Mental health is absolutely paramount to physical health . I’m on the road building myself back up and it’s only now that I really see how unwell I have been , and scarily for a really long time; I had started to believe that how I was feeling was normal, and that the way I feel now was never going to be attainable. No one should have to feel the way I did and if you can relate to this, what ever you’re going through, you’re not alone. Even in your darkest moments.