“The deepest work is usually the darkest. A brave woman, a wisening woman. Will develop the poorest psychic land, for if she builds on only the best land of her psyche, she will have for a view the least of what she is. So do not be afraid to investigate the worst.” – Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Telling the truth is not easy, but it is always the correct choice. Our stories will be different, but together we can hold true space for each other’s stories to be heard, and then we can all begin to truly be healed.
I have been slowly coming out of the shadows for over a year now, and it’s taken me some time but I’m ready to share my WHOLE truth, because this is how I set myself free, and maybe it might help just one other person free themselves too.
I wrote a post last week about mental health, and my experience with anxiety. I spoke about how I had finally come off anti-depressants last year. I had quite a few messages asking me how I came off them.
The truth IS
I no longer need them. I do not experience anxiety anymore. How? I had to go in and find the root cause, I had to face what was causing the anxiety within me, and what I found is what I am going to finally share, because it is time to share to whole truth, so that I can finally step into being myself.
If you have followed my journey, you may know that I suffered with post birth traumatic stress disorder, you may know that I have dealt with postpartum depression, with lifelong anxiety and I have mentioned that I experienced early childhood trauma. What I have not shared with you is that in March 2020 I was diagnosed with a combination of bulimia, orthorexia, disordered eating patterns and body dysmorphia. I was starving myself out of punishment for not being good enough, purging to wake myself from the numbness I was constantly experiencing and bingeing subjectively because I was starving (a bowl of cereal was a binge for me) and I obsessed constantly with my image and how imperfect I felt. All I truly knew was that I was in turmoil and I wanted to get out of my body, out of my head and as I sat on the therapists couch I said if it wasn’t for my children I wouldn’t choose to live, and even then I said I felt that my children would be better off without me and I did not want them to ever feel how I did as a child.